Much has been written about the children of divorce — the pain they feel — the utter sense of loss they experience when they know they can only live with one or the other parent. So many of us wonder for years what our lives would have been like, if we had lived instead with the parent who left. Most of all, we wonder how our lives would have been if our parents had been able to work through their differences and stay together. The pain we have experienced when the dominant parent told us that the parent who left deserted us because he/she did not care about us. Whether or not those things were true, we believed them because that was all we were told, over and over by the one person we should have been able to trust most of all.

The pain the other parent experiences, knowing that his children are being taught lies, and knowing there is nothing they can do to show them how much they always do care is not spoken of as much. There are as many reasons for marriage relationships to fail as there are marriages. The sudden lack of money spells doom for countless middle class marriages. When we live one paycheck away from losing our homes, our emotional lives suffer incredibly from the stress.

These days, young men are choosing not to marry. They have no reason to, when the dating culture permits them to sleep with anyone they want. Men are hard wired to desire casual sex, while women would like to have something much more dependable than that. However, when most men can get all the sex they want, along with a little bit of companionship, now and then, marriage presents nothing but a trap and a financial drain. Unfortunately, children are left in the lurch.

I experienced both traumas. First, when I was a child my father left, and I did not see him again for many years. Would it have been easier to process if he had died, instead of merely leaving? I missed him, and I wanted to continue to send letters to him, which my mother would not permit.

Second, when my marriage broke up, I lost my children to my X-husband, and I have only seen them a few times since. They are grown up and on their own now, and they are terribly angry that I was not with them when they needed me, and that I did not fight hard enough to be able to keep them. Circumstances can tie our hands in ways that our children are in no position to be able to understand. They do not know how I did fight, the money spent on lawyers who did not help. All I can do now is tell them I love them, and that feels like the most inadequate thing there is to say or do.

There was something about Al Gore’s smarmy attitude in his famous film, An Inconvenient Truth that I found extraordinarily difficult to swallow. When I first saw the movie, I thought, yeah, there might be a problem, but what he is saying sounds exaggerated. And yes, it would be an excellent idea to thoroughly explore other forms of energy, but how badly do we want companies like Enron® and The Koch Brothers to spear-head such initiatives? As far as I am concerned, the answer is absolutely not.

The top corporations in this country are ruled by greed. No matter how deeply you dig, you will not find an idealistic desire to serve humanity on any of their boards. Their interest is first, foremost and always to make money. It is against the law for a corporation not to make money for its stockholders. So, why would I want to trust an initiative that comes from a suite of multinational corporations? Corporations that have made a tradition of making environmental messes, and leaving those messes for everyone else to clean up?

Now, Al Gore, who is profiting mightily from his ties to multinational corporations, is promoting the idea that the world we know will be destroyed by us, because we breathe, creating carbon dioxide, and fart creating methane gas, two of the most well known greenhouse gasses. The fact is; the moneys collected from us in the name of global warming make his corporations wealthier, and that feels like a scam.
My first thought about CO2 is that if it is really such a problem, we should be madly planting trees. We should be putting trees and other plants in any soil that can possibly support them. We should be planting gardens on city street corners. In case anyone has forgotten, plants thrive on CO2.

Carbon dioxide does not lead temperature fluctuations, it follows them by as much as 800 years. The periodic melting and freezing of the Arctic and Ant-arctic ice floes is caused by the sun’s activities. The polar regions on every other planet in our solar system expand and contract in time with ours, proving that it is the sun that causes these changes.

CO2 follows rather than leads temperature rise and falls. The loss of the Gulf Stream due to the Gulf Oil spill has caused greater changes in the earth’s temperature than any atmospheric gasses we may be emitting. The Gulf Stream used to travel up our east coast, across the North Atlantic to the eastern coast of Europe, south around
Africa [check map] and across the Pacific, down to our west coast, carrying warm water all the way. This helped ensure that the bulk of the earth had a temperate climate, by raising the temperature of the winds blowing in from the ocean.

Now, due to the disruption caused by the Gulf Oil Spill, which has never been cleaned up because more leaks are being found, that warm water is pooling off our east coast. It no longer makes its global circuit. That is why Europe suffered such intensely cold winters this year and last year and why we, along the East Coast never had a killing frost for the fall of 2011, and such a mild winter. That was not global warming — that was regional warming, warming of a small area of land, overbalanced by large regions of the globe freezing more than they had for many years.

I never thought of myself as being a grammar priss. Grammar was among those things that I learned at my mother’s knee. In truth, if you hear good English spoken at home, you’ll always know what it’s supposed to sound like. Unfortunately, if you do not hear it as a young child, then you have to learn it later. Most people who need to learn good, standard English for their work and for their daily lives, will do so. We do many things because we must, in order to reach our goals.

I clearly recall sitting through endless hours in English class listening to the teacher talk ad nauseum about the agreement of nouns and verbs and the use of adverbs and adjectives. The lessons in comma usage tended to result in deep coma, not to be relieved until the bell rang for the next class. I felt strongly that the continuous drill stifled creativity. Rules were being shoved at us, whether we appreciated them or not. Those rules always came with a long list of exceptions, so that I could never trust them. From that experience, I learned not to trust any other rules. What made it even more difficult was that our teachers never lost a chance to tell us that the way we had learned to talk was wrong. Our parents had not taught us correct English. They had the gall to imply that our parents had taught us wrong.

This tactic has always been an excellent way to fill class after class of high school students with a life long sense of degradation. If they don’t talk right, and their parents don’t talk right, then they really can’t do anything right. Surely there must be a better way to teach English than that. English used to be a rich and powerful language, until newspaper editors set the standard, decreeing that no words more than five letters long should ever be used. Our dictionaries are smaller than they were, even in the 1930s.

Now, we have college graduates have numerous letters after their names and who spent untold thousands of dollars to get what they thought would be a good education. Yet, these graduates do not know how to compose a meaningful string of sentences.
It is a depressing state of affairs, to say the least. When you read the work of a person who lacks the skill and the no-how to write clearly and choose their words with care. Because of this, it is far too easy to distrust what they have to say. This inability is now so widespread, I wonder if it is not due, at least in part, to the chemicals in the water, such as the fluoride, which we know lowers IQ in children. All I can say is, if you are unsure of what is good, standard usage and what is not, do not be afraid to look things up, and keep on reading and writing.

The news coming in over the internet is depressing, with the bankers pushing the world inexorably towards a full blow-out world war. Most of the people in this country appear to expect that the Atlantic and the Pacific oceans, along with our vastly over-stretched troops will be a defense against nearly every other country in the world. And I read that our troops are no longer fighting for the people of the United States, but to support the dictates of the United Nations. I also read that our policemen and our troops are being trained to bring the war home to US citizens living within the continental United States, even if other countries are not able to ship their bombs over to obliterate us as we obliterate them. Our government is doing such a grand job of promoting fear that there are terrorists in our midst.

I look at the people around me — a good two thirds of whom have minds numbed by anti-psychotics. It is a known fact that everyone alive can be given a diagnosis within moments of walking into a psychiatrists office. A diagnosis that can presumably be ‘fixed’ by a dozen or more pills that are now on the market. The population of this country now consumes about eighty percent of the anti-psychotics produced in the entire world. Do these pills make us emotionally healthier and more capable of dealing with the problems of daily living? I would hardly expect so, when the pills most highly prescribed are associated with high rates of suicide. People who don’t go so far as to commit suicide find that their ability to think, reason and create has been dampened. They also find that it is not an easy matter to simply stop taking those drug, as their brain function has been altered.

When we admittedly know so little about the brain’s chemistry and what we do know is clouded by the hard-selling techniques of the drug industry. “Are you off your game? Ask your doctor about ___, you name it – any of a dozen candy colored pills. He will happily prescribe one or all of them for you. Our corporations have substituted high pressure sales techniques for establishing a bond of trust with their clientele, proving that nothing they produce and sell can be trusted. Not only that, it is now illegal for private citizens to sue a drug company for false advertising. Only another corporation can do that. Generally such law-suits between corporations are along the lines of; “Well, you can’t tell those lies about your product, because we’re already telling those lies about our product.” This is supposed to ensure fair advertising. Then the corporations end their differences by agreeing to buy each other out.

I never did like the change of time, back and forth, from Winter to Summer. Jumping ahead an hour from the time that fits most readily into my circadian rhythms every spring becomes more of an imposition each year. Most years, I have not managed to adjust to the time change till the end of the summer. Those people who must be up early will be up. For those people who are lucky enough to not have to be up early, or who work through the night and sleep during the day, moving the time on the clock back or forwards an hour changes little of their day. To insist to the rest of the world that they must get up early as well is inhumane as well as unsafe. Think of the number of near-miss accidents you encounter every day as you drive to and from work, and then recall that when Daylight Savings time arrives at the end of winter, everyone out on that road is at least an hour short of sleep time. It’s enough to give you nightmares.

People who have nothing else to do with themselves in the evening except turn ot the lights and go to bed will almost inevitably wake up early. The rest of us have umpteen dozen things to do in order to prepare for the next day of work. And the more tired we are when we set out to do those chores, the longer they take to do, creating a vicious circle of staying up later at night and needing to sleep in later during the morning. This creates annoying and even dangerous situations in the work place.

This year, daylight savings is an even more difficult adjustment, as I find myself sleeping in even later than I would otherwise. Old age? Perhaps. So, when I would have been up at six thirty in the morning, before the time changed, I am now up at eight thirty, which with the clocks turned ahead is nine thirty, and my entire day is spent trying to get all my assignments out, and still go to bed at a reasonable time. This is not always possible, when I have a late evening meeting to attend.

Oh, there are times I wish I did not have to sleep at all, and just work and play round the clock. But, that would be tiresome, wouldn’t it.

If I were a street merchant calling out my wares, I would be in the town square with my cart filled with packages of vellum and bottles of inks that I had made according to recipes that I would insist were secrets handed down for untold generations. My carefully sharpened quills would be lined up in trays and drawers, ready to be used, and I would be calling, “Letters, memoirs, speeches, books copied,” until my voice was hoarse. For that is the way people once sold what they had to offer.

Who knows, after the next nuclear war, we may be back to doing that sort of thing. In the meantime, I am scrambling to figure out how to get word out to those great hordes, just itching to plunk a few dollars down to have their stories written. Yes, there are all kinds of places on the internet where it is possible to advertise — places that no one has ever heard of. It’s sort of like putting up a sign behind a high fence where no one will be able to see it, and paying for the privilege to leave it there.

Then there are things like Google adwords that work for a few weeks. But you have to be savvy enough to change your key words often so that your ad continues to run at the top of the list. These ads cost money, and it often feels like Google charges you even if no one ever goes to your website.

And, there is that great market place, Craigslist. It is good in that shoppers know about it. If your ad stands out in some way, and you are able to keep it running fairly steadily, it’s not a bad place to advertise. However, Craigslist changes its rules. Now, they only permit people to advertise within their local areas. This is a shame, as some of the best customers I have picked up on Craigslist were across the country from where I conduct my business.

This leaves building up your website in order to improve your search engine ratings. Then when you have fixed your website and fixed your website, the SEO gurus tell you to build up your presence on the networking sites, such as Facebook and Linked in. I discovered that I could easily spend hours on these sites, presenting my business to other business men who would not be likely to be my customers.

Those websites where you could post articles to be shared with other websites, in order to create backlinks to your website largely discredited by Google, though Manta is at the top of many of the ratings, so I am giving them a try.

So, what are some good ways to get your name out there? Newspaper articles get it out on a local level. Paid ads in a newspaper don’t tend to work as well. In order to get a new srelease printed, you have to onvince an editor that you have a story that is interesting for his paper. It takes courage to do that, but it can be done. I need to make a note to myself to call the newspaper office about that. Then there is the job of creating back links. Some of those supposed back-link creators are simply bots that crawl over the web, leaving canned messages on people’s blogs. You can tell when your blog has been invaded by one of those bots, as there is something wrong with every one of their messages. Usually it’s a misspelled word. That leaves writing guest articles on other people’s blogs and websties. So, every day I leave a post on someone’s blog. Maybe, this work will pay off.

What I’ve noticed is that, of the students who used my services, more were women than men. Most of my students are in school and college. I didn’t notice any difference in mathematical ability when comparing the women and men. Both men and women had trouble with similar material. For example, even at the college level, many students have trouble with fractions. And, of the those who ask for tutors, the women seemed to be more interested in a personal connection. They were more likely to provide their names, and to include little pieces of information about their situation. But, again, mathematically, I didn’t see a difference between the men and the women.

B’Shalom,
David
www.grinsteintutoring.com

I read a lot of books. Reading is part of my job. I read to know and understand the sorts of things that have sold well and the sorts of things that are selling well. I read analytically to see how different writers handle problems within their narratives. Through all this reading, I have found that a lot of new writers have only a clumsy understanding of the three basic points of view.

Each of these points of view, First, Second and Third person, has both possibilities and limitations that the others do not.

First person is as though either the main character, or one who is observing the action is telling the story. This narrator cannot tell what he did not actually see, unless someone has told him about it, or he has surmised what happened, when he was somewhere else and the characters he speaks of were busy pushing the story forward. In both cases, the narrator has to tell the reader where he got the information.

This form of story telling is immediate and it is as old as time. When done well, It is as though the main character, or at least someone who knew him well, were sitting in front of you and telling you everything that happened. He can tell you what he was thinking and feeling, and he can tell you everything he knows about the other characters. He can tell you everything that goes on in his own mind, but he can only guess at what the other characters are thinking and feeling. First person brings an intimate and informal feeling into the story you are writing, and it is interesting to play with, to see how you can express your story through one character’s insight.

Second person is a less intimate, more formal approach. The narrator still limits his observations to one character, but he does not speak through that specific character’s mouth. It is as though he is the observing angel, telling the story through a specific character’s point of view.

Third person, or third person omniscient is perhaps the most popular way to tell a story. Here the writer speaks as the all powerful creator, delving into all his character’s minds and souls. He may choose to devote a scene to each of his main characters, or switch from one to another as the action in the narrative suggests. This method offers the most freedom and for that reason, may take longer for the neophyte writer to develop. It is still a less intimate way to tell a story than first person. However as the omniscient god of his characters, he can insert observations and direct his readers’ attention to certain conclusions in ways that first person cannot. This is perhaps the most sophisticated way to tell your story.

These are merely the basics of a certain aspect of writing. But no matter how you choose to tell your story, perhaps the most important piece of advice I could give you is to have fun with it. When it is not enjoyable for you, your readers will get turned off to what you have to say.

Happy writing!

V=writing
POV

The son of a good friend of mine killed himself. She came to synagogue that first Shabbat after the police had told her of his death and, of course, she was utterly devastated.

She sat and wept throughout the service, overwhelmed by feelings of guilt, and she was upset and angry with herself for never having found the words that would have reached her son to reassure him that his life was not worthless and that he did have good things to live for. “I should have been the one to die — not my son!” A circle of women surrounded her, hugged her, held her hand and brought Kleenex for her to use.

Every woman who has ever had a horrific argument with one of her children can imagine what my friend experienced. Every woman in there who has ever been estranged from any of her children knows what she was going through. His death was not her fault. At least she had done everything she knew to prevent his death. And yet, he stayed home from work one day, shut himself up in his apartment and shot himself.

I have often quipped that God put mothers on this earth in order to carry the blame for all the pain their children experience throughout their lives. Due to many things, including the fact that I could not be with them when they were growing up, two of my sons will not speak to me. Each of them has his own reasons for this — fear, anger, the belief that their mother never did love them enough. And there is no way I could convince them otherwise.

Life does throw some pretty shitty bricks our way and, I suppose, it does make it easier if we can blame our parents, especially our mothers, for all the pain we have to endure. I have certainly done my share of blaming my mother.

The self help books out on the market nearly always say that no matter how awful things may be in our lives, we always have choices as to what we will do and how we will deal with those difficult situations in our lives. This is true to a point. At one time, we were all at the mercy of our parents and of situations that were far beyond our control. We had no choice then but to learn how to put up with it and to roll with the punches. The problem was, we were too little to understand the dynamic of our parents’ relationship towards us, so we took their abuse personally, believing that we deserved it, and blaming ourselves for the way they treated us. We spend the rest of our lives learning what we can do and what we can not do, in order to make things better for ourselves and the people we care about.

So, how does this tie in with the guilt we carry as mothers and the guilt we heap on our mothers’ heads? It takes a long time to realize that learning how to fo9rgive and to understand our own strengths and limitations is part of becoming an adult. Learning how to deal with the blame heaped on our own heads as our children wrestle with the job of keeping their lives together is the second aspect of growing up. Telling your irate children that you did the best you could, with the knowledge and resources you had, apparently never satisfies them. But you can’t take it personally.

We have all been taught that as citizens of this fair democracy, we are obligated to vote. It is our duty to do so. Furthermore we have been taught that not voting would be an insult to those many fair women who fought so hard to ensure that the right to vote would not be restricted by race or sex. They won that battle in 1920. But, over the years since then, we have all lost. The problem is, we sat back on our laurels, expecting that the world’s ills would soon heal, as women would not tend to vote for wars and unjust taxes and such things. If our great grandmothers, who went home to justly celebrate their victory of winning the vote, were to come back and see the political situation as it exists in the United States today, they would be utterly appalled.

Since the early 1900s, the ability of voters to affect public policy has diminished to the point of absurdity. The candidates running for national office all kowtow to the dictates of Israel and the major corporations. For us, the 99% of the population and presumably the people who voted them into office, they have only disdain.

In today’s twisted world, voting is merely placing our stamp of approval on the business of government running as usual. The people holding public office on the national are the power brokers of the major corporations, and their concerns are for the interests of those corporations.

Our constitution began to lose its clout as early as the mid 1860s, when that war, was fought to determine whether a class of people should be considered property or whether they should be considered citizens. However, the right to be considered citizens was taken away from all of us in the late 1900s, when the Supreme Court granted corporations the status of personhood, leaving the rest of us merely animals. Again in 1963, the needs of the population of these United States were shoved under the rug, when Israel established, and our congress permitted it, the most powerful lobby in Washington – AIPAC, in order to bribe/influence congressmen to vote in Israel’s favor, at the expense of the needs of the American people. It was then that our Constitution stopped meaning anything – at least where people are concerned. People in this country who openly claim they have rights under the Constitution are now considered to be terrorists. So, obviously, adding more clauses and addendums to this document, in hope of alleviating the situation for real people in this country, would be meaningless. Those clauses would only be applied to the multinational corporations.

I feel sorry for those students who have staked their futures on the Occupy movement, who would believe that adding another law, another clause to the once meaningful document that our Constitution is, would be applied to anything except the corporations.